A New Roommate; A New Friend?

  Well, it was beginning to look bleak; for after a few weeks of having my ad in Cragslist, no one had replied.  Actually, that's not quite true; about five to ten people replied, yet ended up declining my offer. I thought maybe the rent (800) was too high, so down it went.  Well just a few days ago I got a reply from a student from Sweden who's attending UBC in the next year; he was very interested and wanted to see the place.  My hopes were high, as I was tired of scheduling viewings.

It's Not Just Lack of Sleep

  I have lot's of energy.  I can walk for hours on end without tiring; can go to the gym three hours a day on four hours sleep.  Do I get physically tired sometimes? Sure I do; most certainly I'm not Superman.  Yet for the most part it's the emotional tired; the kind you can't do anything about.  The kind that no amount of sleep can cure.
  Don't think I haven't thought it was from lack of sleep; it would certainly be the obvious answer.  I have only been getting on average four hours sleep a night, not that much by anybody's standards.  Nevertheless, I've been sleeping like that for weeks now and have more or less gotten used to it.  The problem (or maybe advantage) with me is that I'm OK to go on very little sleep and still have lots of physical energy; I guess it's just the wonder of being nineteen.  For example, I can have four hours or seven hours (which I got last night) and I still feel exactly the same in the morning.  I'm glad of this because not everyone can go on this amount of sleep; I've always hoped that I would be able to.
  It's not that kind of tired.  As I mentioned in a previous post of mine, there's a lot of areas of my life that need to be changed.  And while I am planning to do just that, it's not something that can be done in the blink of an eye.  The thing about emotional problems is that they need a lot of fine tuning, or small adjustments as it were.  Like a fine piece of woodwork, emotions need lot's of attention to detail, and you need to be patient with them. That can be extremely frustrating and most of all draining.
  It would be nice to have the kind of relationship that's, for the most part anyways, smooth. Yet that's not my fate in life it seems.  Lot's of times I think to myself; "just f*ck it all, give up on the relationship part and focus solely on yourself".  Yet then again, what is life without other people in it?    People bring the essential aspect of love to your being; the tricky part is getting the right kind of people.
  I used to sleep lot's, and I mean lot's.  Ten hours a night was my average back then, and I thought I would die if I got any less (I've always been a overly dramatic person).  Yet if everything else goes OK in my life, four to five hours is fine; six is a luxury.  The problem is that, while physically I am good to go, my capacity to deal with emotional problems and analyze any given situation is significantly diminished when I'm running on four hours sleep a night.  This is the reason for the "tiredness" I am feeling.

  Yet sometimes this kind of thing happens to people, and sometimes the most logical choice is to change your lifestyle.  That can mean anything from starting a new job, moving to a new place, or changing the kind of friends you have, and everything else in between.  It can be an overwhelming notion; can be scary.  Nevertheless, it could significantly improve your life; in the process you could fine the one thing, or person, that's been missing.
  I am beginning to think a change like that is in order for me; with my mom leaving, having to find a roommate to live with, starting school, and (hopefully) finding a new job, I am brightened that my life will soon be getting that kind of change I'm beginning to desire so much.

Where Does All the Junk Come From?

  In preparation for the up and coming move into the back bedroom of the house, I spent the night cleaning and clearing out my room.   I swear to god, the junk fairy keeps coming into my room and leaving crap that I don't need.  Every time I clean my room I throw away a big garbage bag of stuff.  Every time.  I don't buy stuff I don't use anymore, so I am not sure where all this stuff is coming from.  Maybe it's just the items I couldn't throw away last time but am able to this time.  Nevertheless, my room looks a lot better.
  I finally got rid of my desktop computer, which has been sitting dormant in my room for the last year and a half, after spending a long, tedious hour going through all the files and making sure I saved the ones I wanted; only then did I format the hard drive.   It's so nice to have that out of my room; it was taking up so much space!  I am planning to get myself a normal, conventional desk to write and study at.  
  I am still weary of getting rid of some things, which I really don't need in my life.  But as I already mentioned that in my last post I won't get into it again.    I was going to throw away all my old Nintendo consoles, but my cousin "strongly" persuaded me otherwise.  Apparently, I should sell them since I need the money; in yet another one of her infinite acts of kindness, she has offered to sell them for me.  While I have thought of selling them before, (I have three Gameboys, a Nintendo Game Cube, and all the accessories and games to go with them), I am just too lazy to do so.  Even giving them away for free seems to be a pain in the ass; you still have to put an ad in Cragslist, wait for a response, and arrange a pick up time with the person.  No way am I going to that much trouble when the garbage can is waiting with open arms, as it were.   So I gave in to her pleas (for she was pleading with me to let her sell them) and there's now three boxes of stuff with her name on it in my living room.  There's a few other things I don't use, but am keeping nevertheless; my DVD box sets, my writings and work from high school, and my sketch books, to name a few.  There's just some things that have to many memories to throw out.
  I just got rid of things today; I still need to clean the room.  I haven't cleaned anything in there yet, except for a little light dusting as I went along.  Cleaning it is not going to be an effortless task; everything needs to be done from vacuuming to washing the walls.  Yet that won't be until I have gotten all my things out of the room, which is still about a month away.  In the meantime, I want to get as much done as possible; as I said I haven't cleaned, really cleaned, up my room in about a year.   I will work on it some more tomorrow.
  There's something to be said to the almost therapeutic effect of cleaning though; it focuses your mind and allows you to temporarily let go of all the problems in your life.  Yet after all's said and done it's still cleaning; and really, who likes to do that?

Growing Up; For Better or Worse

   I am spoiled; anyone who knows me would say that. Yet what really is the definition of "spoiled"?  It is so wrong to have nice things in life?  By no means am I well off. I can't afford to buy all the things I want; I certainly can't afford to live wherever I want.  I have to work for a living, same as the vast majority of the population.  There's no way I can afford to just relax everyday and do whatever I want; not for very long in any case.  I work hard at the jobs I have, regardless of if I get to keep them or not; I do sacrifice a few extras in life to save money. Although most people I talk to would say I'm not living in reality, but instead a dream world where my mom pays for everything, I understand what I must do to get by on my own.  The problem is how do I go about doing that?
  It's not that easy to find jobs at the moment and with the economy the way it is; I have had extra bad luck in that area as well recently.  I am continuing to look in the meantime everyday and planning on becoming a certified personal trainer soon which will provide me with a livable income.  It's not going to be easy by any means to live as an independent adult, yet it will be done; for better or for worse.
  I've been told by friends and family many times that the lifestyle I am accustomed to isn't going to be sustainable on only one income.  I buy healthy, but somewhat pricey food, have a bad habit of going out for at least one meal every two days or so; a not-so-good idea when one's trying to save money.  Having a vehicle doesn't make things cheaper, yet for me it's not optional; the transit system simply sucks.
  It's bad enough to live on your own these days; living in Vancouver is even worse.  Everything here, from food to gas, rent to cell phones, is so expensive.  The city really isn't becoming one the average John or Jane can afford to live in.  Rent is ridiculously high, even for a very small bachelor suite.  How does a young person afford to live comfortably on a small income?
  Yet sometimes we don't have a choice in life; rather, we have a choice but really there's only one logical option.  When you are up the river without a paddle, you better damn well get out and swim.  It won't be easy, there will always be things against you, but you have no choice but to swim; the alternative is to drown.
  I am both pessimistic and optimistic about the change that I am going to have to adapt to in the very near future.  On the one hand, I would be happy to stay at home until such a time when I have a good enough job to afford to live by my (fairly high) standards.  Meanwhile, on the other, I feel like this is an opportunity to really be able to mold and shape my life into one I can both enjoy and afford.  I am planning to go get certified to become a personal trainer and hopefully be good enough that I can make a proper living.  The fitness industry is booming right now and apparently there are lots of jobs available if you are certified.
  I know it will come as a complete shock to live by myself, and although I know it, I also know there's no way to fully prepare myself for it.  I might have to make a few changes in my life, and maybe I'm scared about that.  Deep down though, and what makes me optimistic, is that I know the only place I can go from where I currently am is up. And as I see it, the only choice you have in life is to live it; to keep moving forward everyday, being the best person you can be.