Maybe It's Not Meant to Be; Maybe No One's Meant for Me

  Love

If you have it,

You don't need anything else...

And if you don't have it,

It doesn't matter much what else you have

These days I haven't been sleeping; the way my relationships are going I guess that's not surprising.  Knowing I will lie awake for hours, I don't even bother trying to get more than four hours sleep anymore; certainly not enough even for me.   Consequently, the lack of sleep isn't helping smooth things over with my loved one's either.  I always thought that eventually in life I would find some people; friends, partners, lovers, for me.  I never was looking for a lot; rather I was hopeful to find someone with whom to spend time with, to talk with everyday.  I always wanted someone, or a few people, who I could be close enough to to call whenever, for whatever reason.  Growing up surrounded by laughing teenagers, by couples, I always thought that there weren't any rules with people you love; apparently, as I have recently found out, there are a abundance.

Trying to Force Relationships

  We would all like our relationships with others to last and work out.  Whether it's family, friends, or that special someone, we never enter it expecting or wanting it to end.  We try hard to make it work, because we don't want to lose them.  Yet sometimes two people are just to different for the relationship to work out.  When you love someone, or even like them, you are supposed to like them for who they are, not who you want them to be.  You're not going into a relationship with someone with a plan to change them into the person you want them to be.

Who to Love; Who to Trust?

     The issue of trust and love keeps coming back to me; two things that, while are synonymous, have varying degrees which can make things very complicated.  For some people, trust comes easily to them; they believe people are good in this world and put their faith in that. While others have been hurt in the past and consequently have a hard time letting people into their lives again.  It's never a concrete decision when you choose to give someone the benefit of the doubt; you are taking a chance, sometimes a pretty big one.
  As I said there's varying degrees of trust and it is shown in our everyday actions. For example, when you hail a cab, you're trusting the driver to get you to your destination safely; when you drive with someone else they are trusting you to drive safely.  Then there are the deeper aspects of trust; you trust your friends to be there for you and not betray you, you trust your employers to pay you everyday.  Trust is all around us in our lives, but the kind I want to talk about is trust between friends.
  When you meet someone, there's always that "first impression"; that instinctual feeling you get just from saying hi.  You start talking and your trust grows; or quickly falls, depending on what they say and how they say it.   If there's enough trust and you like them, you become friends; taking a chance that the relationship will make your life better.  Let you have to be careful of who you let into your heart; they could just end up tearing it apart, taking a piece of you in the process.
   While there's always that chance that you are trusting the wrong person, I believe that's a chance you need to take.  The alternative is a lonely life.  Yet that's really the question isn't it?  Who do you trust?  Who do you love?  The heart isn't something to be played with, or to be taken lightly.  I believe when you decide to let someone in your heart, your life is enriched; for that to happen though, they have to let you into their heart as well, otherwise you will be in for a lot of pain to come.  The issue with love is a whole other...well...issue.  I think there's a definite point in the relationship when you consciously make the choice to let that person into your heart; when you decide to let down your walls.  When you do that though, you start to love them.  If there's a conscious controlled decision to trust someone, there isn't one when it comes to love.  Love makes your emotions go crazy, makes all rational thought come to a screeching halt.  Once that happens there's no turning back unless you're ready for a lot of pain.
   That's why it's pertinent that you choose carefully; you don't want to take this lightly and end up getting badly hurt in the end.  You need to make sure they trust and love you as well, because there;s nothing worse and more hurtful than when you love someone and they don't return those feelings.  The question of who to love, who to trust, isn't one that I believe can ever have a definite answer.  There's too many factors in life that change people, that mold people into who they are.    If you make the wrong decision and only realize it when you deeply love that person, then there's trouble.  For you realize it, but what do you do about it?   You  can't force someone to love you; you can't force someone to trust you.  They have to make that choice on their own.  Yet it's a tough place to find yourself in; you love them too much to leave, yet the fact that they don't feel the same way about you is killing you.
   While they may not hurt you with intent; that is to say they still consider you their friend, they don't feel comfortable with you to open up themselves.  There's still a million secrets between you and them; it begins to make you wonder if they really consider you a true friend.  For if friendship is all about trust and love, why don't they trust you?  What is it about you or your attitude that gives them pause?  It can feel like a deep insult to not be trusted like that.  That you know there's a whole other side to them, the "real" them as it were, that they don't want you to know about can put a lot of doubt in your mind.  You can try to talk to them about it, but chances are if they don't tell you about other things that are so emotionally deep, they won't want to talk about this if they don't consider you a close friend.  It just keeps coming back to that same question, who do you decide you will trust?  Because once you decide it's alright to trust them, love is sure to follow in short order.    While you might be able to let someone go because you know they don't have the same feelings for you and know that to stay in the relationship means a world of pain,  once you feel that deep love for them, it's something that can kill you to let them go.  And it's that type of pain that can hurt you for years to come.

Just Spit It Out

    There's the odd time where you'll be in a relationship with someone who will honestly tell you how they feel.  Yet the emphasis is on odd.   Most of the time you will be left guessing, that seems to be the norm is this culture. There are many clues you can pick up on; tone of voice, word choice, body language, facial expressions, energy vibes, and any or all of those combined.  Of course there are certain times when 99% of those signs go out the window; texting, for example.  I have touched on this issue in another post recently; when you're texting or chatting online you have no body language to go by whatsoever.  Even a simple phone call can reveal more information than texting can.  When it comes to communication, texting is among the worst for expressing emotions.  
   Nevertheless, none of these ways would be any better or worse than the other if only people said what they were feeling; what they are really thinking. We all do it, yet I have no clue why that is.  You ask your best friend how they are; and you know when they say, "I'm fine", that really they're not.  You can tell by the tone of their voice; the look in their eyes.   Sometimes you'll have a fight with someone, or even just an emotional talk, and then go over in your head replaying everything they said; trying in vain to bring out the actual meaning behind those words.
  What happened to just saying what you mean?  The standard question these days, at work with your co workers, at school, with your neighbors, even with strangers; how are you? or how's your day going?  When it's someone you don't know the answer always  is, "I'm good thanks, how are you?"  This just keeps going on in what we recognize as "small talk".  I'm not saying when asked how you are, you tell your life story or anything; this post is more focused on those that are your friends, even your family.
  When you ask a stranger or even a co worker how they are doing, you don't expect, or even want to hear the truth; you're simply being polite in the way society has defined it.  Yet when you ask someone you love, you truly want to know.  You're not just trying to be polite or considerate; you really do care about how they are doing. Yet even then, sometimes you'd be hard pressed to get a fully honest answer.
  We all have things we keep inside ourselves; whether that is because we don't trust someone else with such delicate emotions, or simply telling just hurts more to hear it out loud, even that we don't want to become an emotional burden on those we love.  For some reason or other, we keep it to ourselves.   I don't feel that way.  While I understand that everyone has secrets, I believe they are for sharing with those we trust more than anyone else.  Yes, sometimes you think you can, and do, trust a friend or family member that just ends up hurting you in the end; yet if you always thought that way, you would never be close to anyone.   If you know that person loves you for who you are, you should be able to trust them.  By withholding your true emotions from them, you're basically sending them the message that you still don't trust them with your heart.  To slightly contradict myself here though, of course you're not going to trust a newly made friend right away.  
         One way I see trust is as a tree; it starts off just one seed. You plant it, water it everyday, and let it grow.  Throughout its life, especially when it's new, you have to nurture it; protect it from the elements in the winter, make sure it's fully hydrated in the summer, watch it blossom in the spring.  There will always be dangers to it; yet it will grow.  Its roots getting deeper and deeper over time.  Of course, even with all that strength, it's not invisible; nothing is.  If there's no water, it will slowly die of thirst.  It could die quickly; fire could consume it to a point beyond repair, lightening could split it down the middle.  Yet it is truly strong; not invincible, but with a very high endurance.  Then of course, it could be standing for hundreds of years only to be cut down in a minute by the greedy hands of us humans; what has been around and growing for hundreds of years, gone in a blink of the eye.  As if it was nothing to grow another that big.
     I believe it's exactly the same with relationships.  Your love and trust for each other continues to grow everyday; to get stronger. Yet there's always the possibility of the hand to demolish it in the blink of an  eye.  So choose those you trust carefully, yet when you do choose, trust them completely.  Because after a time, when they have already trusted you fully to show you their deepest part of their heart, they will start to wonder why you still keep them in the dark with yours.  While you think that everything's OK because they trust you to share their feelings with, you may not realize how much it's hurting them that you won't share yours.  So say what you truly mean, talk about your feelings for each other, show them how much you trust them. For if there's little or no trust in a relationship it will slowly die; like the mighty tree slowly dying of thirst.