There's the odd time where you'll be in a relationship with someone who will honestly tell you how they feel. Yet the emphasis is on odd. Most of the time you will be left guessing, that seems to be the norm is this culture. There are many clues you can pick up on; tone of voice, word choice, body language, facial expressions, energy vibes, and any or all of those combined. Of course there are certain times when 99% of those signs go out the window; texting, for example. I have touched on this issue in another post recently; when you're texting or chatting online you have no body language to go by whatsoever. Even a simple phone call can reveal more information than texting can. When it comes to communication, texting is among the worst for expressing emotions.
Nevertheless, none of these ways would be any better or worse than the other if only people said what they were feeling; what they are really thinking. We all do it, yet I have no clue why that is. You ask your best friend how they are; and you know when they say, "I'm fine", that really they're not. You can tell by the tone of their voice; the look in their eyes. Sometimes you'll have a fight with someone, or even just an emotional talk, and then go over in your head replaying everything they said; trying in vain to bring out the actual meaning behind those words.
What happened to just saying what you mean? The standard question these days, at work with your co workers, at school, with your neighbors, even with strangers; how are you? or how's your day going? When it's someone you don't know the answer always is, "I'm good thanks, how are you?" This just keeps going on in what we recognize as "small talk". I'm not saying when asked how you are, you tell your life story or anything; this post is more focused on those that are your friends, even your family.
When you ask a stranger or even a co worker how they are doing, you don't expect, or even want to hear the truth; you're simply being polite in the way society has defined it. Yet when you ask someone you love, you truly want to know. You're not just trying to be polite or considerate; you really do care about how they are doing. Yet even then, sometimes you'd be hard pressed to get a fully honest answer.
We all have things we keep inside ourselves; whether that is because we don't trust someone else with such delicate emotions, or simply telling just hurts more to hear it out loud, even that we don't want to become an emotional burden on those we love. For some reason or other, we keep it to ourselves. I don't feel that way. While I understand that everyone has secrets, I believe they are for sharing with those we trust more than anyone else. Yes, sometimes you think you can, and do, trust a friend or family member that just ends up hurting you in the end; yet if you always thought that way, you would never be close to anyone. If you know that person loves you for who you are, you should be able to trust them. By withholding your true emotions from them, you're basically sending them the message that you still don't trust them with your heart. To slightly contradict myself here though, of course you're not going to trust a newly made friend right away.
One way I see trust is as a tree; it starts off just one seed. You plant it, water it everyday, and let it grow. Throughout its life, especially when it's new, you have to nurture it; protect it from the elements in the winter, make sure it's fully hydrated in the summer, watch it blossom in the spring. There will always be dangers to it; yet it will grow. Its roots getting deeper and deeper over time. Of course, even with all that strength, it's not invisible; nothing is. If there's no water, it will slowly die of thirst. It could die quickly; fire could consume it to a point beyond repair, lightening could split it down the middle. Yet it is truly strong; not invincible, but with a very high endurance. Then of course, it could be standing for hundreds of years only to be cut down in a minute by the greedy hands of us humans; what has been around and growing for hundreds of years, gone in a blink of the eye. As if it was nothing to grow another that big.
I believe it's exactly the same with relationships. Your love and trust for each other continues to grow everyday; to get stronger. Yet there's always the possibility of the hand to demolish it in the blink of an eye. So choose those you trust carefully, yet when you do choose, trust them completely. Because after a time, when they have already trusted you fully to show you their deepest part of their heart, they will start to wonder why you still keep them in the dark with yours. While you think that everything's OK because they trust you to share their feelings with, you may not realize how much it's hurting them that you won't share yours. So say what you truly mean, talk about your feelings for each other, show them how much you trust them. For if there's little or no trust in a relationship it will slowly die; like the mighty tree slowly dying of thirst.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Good Ol' Days
I sit here today and think back. To simpler times; when I would wait in class for the recess bell to ring, count down the minutes until three o'clock. Those were the days; no bills to pay, just living by the day. Funny, it wasn't that long ago, yet it feels like a lifetime. It makes me laugh to remember all the things I used to find amusing back then; the toys, the games...all the fads.
The music back then was so much better; not to say I don't like all the modern music now, but the songs from years ago seemed to have so much more feeling to them. Of course back then there were no iPods, MP3's, or Smartphones. When I was in school I had my good old Walkmen cassette player. I would have a big fanny pack to carry it in and had to keep switching sides of the tapes. I sit here now smiling and slowly shaking my head, it's really a wonder how far technology has taken us. I still remember how excited I was when my grandma bought me a Fisher CD Walkman! Oh how I treasured that back then. It was anti skip (remember how much trouble you could have trying to listen to a CD while running or even walking?) and shock resistant, whatever that meant. As I unwrapped it I had a big smile across my face. Nowadays, who doesn't have an iPod? Even young kids have iPhones or iPods now; they've completely dominated the mp3 and cell phone market for years now.
In school, there were Gameboys (remember the original one? Gray and literally inches thick, with a black and white display), Pokemon, Razor Scooters, oh....who can forget the short lived return of Pogo sticks! Ah, those were the good days; who really, doesn't want to be a kid again? If only for a short time. When I was young all I could think about was how I couldn't wait until I grew up; oh man, wouldn't life be sweet as an adult! I could drive cars, eat whatever I want, go to bed whenever I want....yes, certainly it was wayyyy better than being stuck a kid having to listen to those stupid adults!
I would kill to go back to those days now; I'm sick of paying bills, sick of working everyday, sick of how complicated relationships have become. My imagination used to run wild in those years; now, I can't even write a fiction story without getting a blank mind after a few pages. Yeah sure, you didn't have much freedom with adults watching over your every move, but what really is freedom? When I think about it, I had just as much freedom back then as I do now, maybe even more. When you grow up, yes there's a lot more things you can do, yet you're still bound in ways. I can't not go to work; can't just call them and say, 'it's so nice out today that I thought I would play in the park, be in tomorrow.' Regardless of what else I want to do, I have to get my a** to work on time, five days a week, fifty two weeks a year. You can't just relax in school without worries, playing board games, drawing, painting....no, you have your career to think about. Consequently, you'd better study hard and get good grades if you want to succeed. The time for all the fun stuff is over; now it's time to study...and study...and study. Remember how you could eat anything when you were young and not worry about it? Well, say goodbye to candy, say farewell to pizza and pop; those kinda diets will not only pack on the pounds, but steal years away from your life as well. Looks weren't as important when you were a kid; now, everybody wants to look their best for that special someone, or if single, wants to attract that special someone.
That's why you look at kids, babies, and can't help smiling; at their innocence, their easy laughter. I miss those days already. The simple innocence of children is something we can never get back once it's gone, but I will always have the memories, of those simpler days; a lifetime ago.
The music back then was so much better; not to say I don't like all the modern music now, but the songs from years ago seemed to have so much more feeling to them. Of course back then there were no iPods, MP3's, or Smartphones. When I was in school I had my good old Walkmen cassette player. I would have a big fanny pack to carry it in and had to keep switching sides of the tapes. I sit here now smiling and slowly shaking my head, it's really a wonder how far technology has taken us. I still remember how excited I was when my grandma bought me a Fisher CD Walkman! Oh how I treasured that back then. It was anti skip (remember how much trouble you could have trying to listen to a CD while running or even walking?) and shock resistant, whatever that meant. As I unwrapped it I had a big smile across my face. Nowadays, who doesn't have an iPod? Even young kids have iPhones or iPods now; they've completely dominated the mp3 and cell phone market for years now.
In school, there were Gameboys (remember the original one? Gray and literally inches thick, with a black and white display), Pokemon, Razor Scooters, oh....who can forget the short lived return of Pogo sticks! Ah, those were the good days; who really, doesn't want to be a kid again? If only for a short time. When I was young all I could think about was how I couldn't wait until I grew up; oh man, wouldn't life be sweet as an adult! I could drive cars, eat whatever I want, go to bed whenever I want....yes, certainly it was wayyyy better than being stuck a kid having to listen to those stupid adults!
I would kill to go back to those days now; I'm sick of paying bills, sick of working everyday, sick of how complicated relationships have become. My imagination used to run wild in those years; now, I can't even write a fiction story without getting a blank mind after a few pages. Yeah sure, you didn't have much freedom with adults watching over your every move, but what really is freedom? When I think about it, I had just as much freedom back then as I do now, maybe even more. When you grow up, yes there's a lot more things you can do, yet you're still bound in ways. I can't not go to work; can't just call them and say, 'it's so nice out today that I thought I would play in the park, be in tomorrow.' Regardless of what else I want to do, I have to get my a** to work on time, five days a week, fifty two weeks a year. You can't just relax in school without worries, playing board games, drawing, painting....no, you have your career to think about. Consequently, you'd better study hard and get good grades if you want to succeed. The time for all the fun stuff is over; now it's time to study...and study...and study. Remember how you could eat anything when you were young and not worry about it? Well, say goodbye to candy, say farewell to pizza and pop; those kinda diets will not only pack on the pounds, but steal years away from your life as well. Looks weren't as important when you were a kid; now, everybody wants to look their best for that special someone, or if single, wants to attract that special someone.
That's why you look at kids, babies, and can't help smiling; at their innocence, their easy laughter. I miss those days already. The simple innocence of children is something we can never get back once it's gone, but I will always have the memories, of those simpler days; a lifetime ago.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Reading Enriches My Life
Ever since I was a young child reading has always been important to me. I've always loved to just sit down with a good book and get lost in that world of stories for hours. I've always liked detective/crime novels; something about them has always drawn me. My favorite kind of books to read are series; I like to get to know the characters and their attitudes. One of my most cherished authors is Robert B Parker, who I was saddened to read recently passed away. His Spenser series were just amazing; about a witty somewhat smart ass private detective with a large heart and tough as nails. That's just one of the many many detective series I love to follow.
Then there's the CIA type books which I die for. There's a number of series of those I enjoy, including Stuart Woods' "Holly Barker" series. I love reading about government agencies as well as spies and oversees operations. Of course, it's all fiction; but who really knows what secret government agencies do in real life. I haven't read any non fiction books on this topic yet; when I think about, I don't really know why either, I'm sure I would enjoy them.
I recently discovered the legendary works of Charles Dickens. Over all the years I've been reading and the thousands of books in which I've turned pages, Dickens has provided me with one of the most entertaining, intriguing reads ever. I haven't read many of his books, in fact I just finished my second book by him. While his books are extremely long, they follow a complex plot and the writing is extraordinary. Sometimes, for me at least, when I have been reading a book before that has been set in a different century, I didn't really stay attuned to what was happening. Yet with his novels, I find it easy to stay interested through all one thousand pages. The whole story line is just so interesting and written so well that it's one of those books where you just don't want to put it down for a second. I just downloaded another book of his and am tingling in anticipation to start it; I just know I will be blown away all over again.
I used to literally spend hundreds, if not close to a thousand, dollars at a neighborhood bookstore, Kidsbooks. The staff there were amazing and I will be forever great-full to them for all the books they recommended that brought me countless hours of pleasure. They introduced me to dozens of series that I absolutely loved and couldn't wait to read the new one every time it came out. They had unlimited patience and were extremely friendly. Being a person who honest to god, cannot make up my mind, I would go there to get a few books and leave two hours later. I used to sit there and just read, sometimes half the book, before I decided to buy it. They never said a word. I went to author signings there, and remember waiting at midnight for the Harry Potter series to be realised. I have outgrown those types of books now and haven't been there in a few years, but they will always get a glowing recommendation from me for there amazing staff. I hope to bring my kids there someday.
The other category of books I want to mention is the cultural ones. I haven't read a lot of these, less than I like anyways, but when I do I am blown away all over again. First, how could I talk about cultural books without mentioning Bryce Courtenay. His often very long books are just incredible. Unique in the fact that most of them revolve around a main character who we meet when still a child and follow through until adulthood. Sometimes that just will be one book, often it will be more. I've read almost everything he's written and a few characters take two or three books to picture their lives. A good majority of his books are set in South Africa or Australia and centre around inner strength when faced with extremely unfavorable circumstances. They aren't light reading, and a few of them have almost brought me to tears more than once, yet he really portrays how amazing the human spirit is and how love always is with us. I could go through almost all his books just from memory, yet that would be a very long post, so I will just keep to the basic themes. Most of his books are set in the early to mid twentieth century, often either set around the first or second world war. Because of this, there is a good number of war scenes involving the main characters. He often finds a way to show the good in people even among such bad times. Suffice to say he's among one of the most, if not the most amazing writers I've ever read. I like books that deal with other cultures and religions. Just being able to see that humans are so diverse in every part of the world is always amazing. I haven't read as many of these as I like, but the few I have read have really opened my mind.
A few weeks ago I just completed reading The Holy Quran. While I am not a religious person and don't believe or pray to any God, it gave me an insight into a whole vastly different lifestyle. I won't say anything much on this topic for the risk of offending someone. It took me a while to get through, yet it was by far one of the most outstanding things I've ever read, whether I believe it or not.
Then there's the CIA type books which I die for. There's a number of series of those I enjoy, including Stuart Woods' "Holly Barker" series. I love reading about government agencies as well as spies and oversees operations. Of course, it's all fiction; but who really knows what secret government agencies do in real life. I haven't read any non fiction books on this topic yet; when I think about, I don't really know why either, I'm sure I would enjoy them.
I recently discovered the legendary works of Charles Dickens. Over all the years I've been reading and the thousands of books in which I've turned pages, Dickens has provided me with one of the most entertaining, intriguing reads ever. I haven't read many of his books, in fact I just finished my second book by him. While his books are extremely long, they follow a complex plot and the writing is extraordinary. Sometimes, for me at least, when I have been reading a book before that has been set in a different century, I didn't really stay attuned to what was happening. Yet with his novels, I find it easy to stay interested through all one thousand pages. The whole story line is just so interesting and written so well that it's one of those books where you just don't want to put it down for a second. I just downloaded another book of his and am tingling in anticipation to start it; I just know I will be blown away all over again.
I used to literally spend hundreds, if not close to a thousand, dollars at a neighborhood bookstore, Kidsbooks. The staff there were amazing and I will be forever great-full to them for all the books they recommended that brought me countless hours of pleasure. They introduced me to dozens of series that I absolutely loved and couldn't wait to read the new one every time it came out. They had unlimited patience and were extremely friendly. Being a person who honest to god, cannot make up my mind, I would go there to get a few books and leave two hours later. I used to sit there and just read, sometimes half the book, before I decided to buy it. They never said a word. I went to author signings there, and remember waiting at midnight for the Harry Potter series to be realised. I have outgrown those types of books now and haven't been there in a few years, but they will always get a glowing recommendation from me for there amazing staff. I hope to bring my kids there someday.
The other category of books I want to mention is the cultural ones. I haven't read a lot of these, less than I like anyways, but when I do I am blown away all over again. First, how could I talk about cultural books without mentioning Bryce Courtenay. His often very long books are just incredible. Unique in the fact that most of them revolve around a main character who we meet when still a child and follow through until adulthood. Sometimes that just will be one book, often it will be more. I've read almost everything he's written and a few characters take two or three books to picture their lives. A good majority of his books are set in South Africa or Australia and centre around inner strength when faced with extremely unfavorable circumstances. They aren't light reading, and a few of them have almost brought me to tears more than once, yet he really portrays how amazing the human spirit is and how love always is with us. I could go through almost all his books just from memory, yet that would be a very long post, so I will just keep to the basic themes. Most of his books are set in the early to mid twentieth century, often either set around the first or second world war. Because of this, there is a good number of war scenes involving the main characters. He often finds a way to show the good in people even among such bad times. Suffice to say he's among one of the most, if not the most amazing writers I've ever read. I like books that deal with other cultures and religions. Just being able to see that humans are so diverse in every part of the world is always amazing. I haven't read as many of these as I like, but the few I have read have really opened my mind.
A few weeks ago I just completed reading The Holy Quran. While I am not a religious person and don't believe or pray to any God, it gave me an insight into a whole vastly different lifestyle. I won't say anything much on this topic for the risk of offending someone. It took me a while to get through, yet it was by far one of the most outstanding things I've ever read, whether I believe it or not.
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