Seriously, It's a Multi-Million Dollar Company; Run it Properly!

  I only been a member at Fitness World, or as it's now called, Steve Nash Fitness World, for only a little over a year now.  While I am mostly satisfied at the facility, it's things like this morning that totally appall me and wish I had a different gym to go to.
  I was up at quarter after six as usual this morning, ready to be at the gym at seven for my workout.  It was a beautiful morning, bright and sunny with a promise of a warm day ahead.  Finally getting back to lifting weights just recently after a three month hiatus due to injuries, I was pumped and ready to lift that iron.  So imagine my utter disappointment and shock when I got there at seven when it was supposed to open and everyone's just waiting outside the doors.  The gym was there in all it's glory, if it wasn't for the locked glass doors preventing my access.  Inquiring as to the reason for this, I learnt that the women who was opening that day had dropped her keys down the elevator shaft!
  I was speechless; just shaking my head at yet another black mark on the staff at this club.  Of all the things, this is just carelessness.  Yes, of course it was an accident, and we're all human in the end, but how the hell do you do that?  I can just imagine she was hurrying to get to work on time and had her keys in her hand ready to go; one slip of the fingers and down they went.  Now, I have a schedule that I like to keep to; get to the gym early, leave early.  This leaves me time to get the rest of my work done for the day.  When things like this happen, it completely f*cks me up!  Not only does it make me rushed for the day (thank god I wasn't working today), but it screws up my meal times as well.  I was really frustrated at not only the woman, but the whole establishment!
  I would be more understanding if this was the first time it happened, we all make mistakes and have to realize that no one's perfect, but this is becoming a regular occurrence at this gym.  There was a girl working for Fitness World recently who was one of the most irresponsible employees I've ever seen at a gym.  Whereas you can let things like this morning go because you understand that mistakes are occasionally made,  with this employee it wasn't something you could let go (in fact I heard a few people canceled their memberships because of her incompetence).  She would be late, at least one day, almost every week! She was the main person who opened and when you're the only one opening in the morning (another flaw in Fitness World's staffing) YOU NEED TO BE ON TIME!  I would wait most weekends when she was at least five minutes late in the morning.  Every weekend people would be gathered outside the club waiting for the girl to finally show up.  Yes, it's only five minutes (sometimes ten), but as I said it's a huge company and therefore should open on time.  Could you imagine if every place did that?    There were numerous complaints about this particular girl because a lot of people go to my gym in the early morning.
  The final straw was when she was hours late one day.  It was a Friday if my memory serves me, and I got there as usual and was very surprised this time to find people waiting.  If it was a weekend, I would probably expect to wait, but during the week the gym opens at five.  When I got there, people had already been waiting for almost AN HOUR AND A HALF!  Most had to leave to get to work, missing those cherished workouts.  I could not believe how irresponsible Fitness World was being!  To keep this lady employed after being late so many times was just showing that they don't care about their customers.  I had no clue when, and if, the gym was going to open so I ended up going to Gold's Gym up in UBC.  Even still, it through off my whole schedule almost an hour that day, and this time I did have to work.  Of course, after that morning's fiasco, they fired her; FINALLY!   It later turned out that she never even SHOWED UP at all and someone else had to come and open.  I was really disappointed in the way the management handled it as well, not so much as even an apology to the members.  In my opinion, they should have reimbursed us for that month's dues.  I had to pay fifthteen dollars to get into Gold's Gym as I wasn't a member; it would've been the least they could do.
  A simple solution to this problem would be to simply schedule two people to open; that way if something happens to one person then there will be a backup.  Sounds pretty doable to me, since they can't seem to secure competent employees to work for them.  I pay almost fifty dollars a month to be a member there; make sure the gym is open on time!!  Is that really too much to ask?

You Say One Thing, Your Actions Say Another

   Ah, the old saying; actions speak louder than words. How true it is, yet how much weight can we really attribute to their actions when their words are so much different?  When people tell you one thing, then say the complete opposite with their doings, what are we to think.  I've said it before and I'll say it again; just say what you mean! 

Why Are People So Random?

  I know lot's, if not everyone, who's met me would say that I have OCD.  Yet that's simply not true; I like to have things in their place.  All neat and tidy, with relationships that is; my house is a disaster.  The obvious thing that comes to mind is, people aren't computers; they don't have the exact same schedule everyday, nor do they have the same thoughts.  While I understand this in theory, I don't get it.  Mostly my experience is with communication.  I like to talk to people at certain times; to say good-morning everyday, to say goodnight at the end of the day.  Yet from talking to friends and family, it seems that I am crazy to expect that.  To me it's a simple notion; before I go to bed I text the people I love and say goodnight.  I always do this every night; some I don't expect a reply from, others I do.  It is beyond me to think they might be busy at that time when the previous night they weren't.
  Mostly everything in my life is on a routine of some sorts; I wake up at five thirty five days a week and arrive at the gym between six and six fifthteen, where 99% of the time I change in the same area of the locker room and use the same locker.   On weekends, since the gym doesn't open until seven, I am up by six fifthteen and there at seven. Barring any injuries, my workouts take the same amount of time, plus or minus ten minutes.  I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning, drive the same speed to the gym.  Simple right?
  I cook my food the same way, wear jeans everyday.  I am a man that thrives on routine.
  That's why it literary stops me in my tracks to think why people can text me at eight thirty one morning and eleven the next.  How is that even possible?  I wake up expecting my day to be the same as it was yesterday; that little slip up in my day that is not hearing from friends at the same time drives me nuts.   Like how it is possible for people to be so random?  I just don't get it; without routine you get chaos.  That's why I was taking cabs when I didn't have a car; if I had taken a bus my whole schedule would've been completely out of whack.  As it was, I had to make some adjustments and was still almost late for work.  I feel so much better now that I have a vehicle again!
   It's for this reason I don't go on vacations; who knows what's going to happen?  I went to Costa Rica about seven years back and while it was a nice country, I wanted to go home very soon after getting there.  It was just to random for me; not knowing where you're going to stay that night, what you're going to eat, everyday was different.  No thanks, I'm happy to stay at home in the same city I've lived my whole life.  I know all the streets, the neighborhoods, the beaches, the stores; it's all very good and steady living.
  So I apologize to all the people that are patient enough to put up with me; you guys are the best and I love you more than anything, but your randomness drives me nuts!

Apple is Just Better

  Well, I did debate it in the beginning; should I get a Blackberry or an iPhone?  At the time, the new Blackberry Torch 9800 had just come out and it looked pretty sweet.  Yet there was also the iPhone, 4th generation.  At first it seemed to be quite a hard choice, and I spent a few weeks comparing them.  While the iPhone looked amazing and blew me away, at the end of the day it was still little more than a spiffed up iPod touch.  As I had just recently (a few months ago) gotten the new Touch, I decided to forgo getting a iPhone.  The iPhone was amazing if you didn't already have a perfectly fine, new iPod.  The other deciding factor was the price plans of the iPhone.
   When I was comparing them, and I went to every cell provider in the city, it just seemed to me flat out that the iPhone plans were more expensive then that of the BlackBerry's.   That was also factoring what I was told about the data plans; the guy I was talking to at Rogers told me that while BlackBerrys compress the data they receive when browsing, the iPhone doesn't.  Therefore, if I were to get the iPhone I would need almost twice the amount of data every month.  Of course, I soon found out that most of what he said was bull***t.        
  After a few months, I realized the 500mb plan he told me to go with wasn't nearly enough and I was eating up almost a GB worth of data a month; he had told me that was virtually impossible.  If I recall correctly, when I was asking how much exactly 500mb meant in terms of surfing time his words were, "you'll never even come close to that amount, unless you're streaming hours of video or tethering".
   I knew some people who were very happy with their RIM products so I thought I would give it a go.  At the time, it seemed the significantly cheaper and better way to go; I had too many songs to fit on a iPhone at the time anyway and what's the point of carrying both an iPhone and iPod in my pocket?  Oh, if only I could turn back the clock to that fateful day!
   I was thrilled when I got my new Blackberry up and running.  Just the simple idea of having Internet on the go was amazing to me; I'd been wanting something like that for years.  The full touch screen was great, while the slide out keyboard gave me a second option for typing.  The speakerphone was great; loud and clear with a good mic on it.  And perhaps my favorite part of all; Internet radio!  I loved having literally hundreds of channels of everything from news, to music, to stand up comedy, with me wherever I went.  Of course it sucked my data up like crazy, but it was all worth it.  The camera on it was awesome, and the GPS saved my a** from getting lost countless times.
   Yes, I was certain I had made the right choice in the great cell phone debate!  That was before I had been using it for a few months.  The first thing I realized was that while it was still 3G, the Internet was seriously slow; I could go make a sandwich in the time it took to load some web pages.  The Internet radio was still amazing, but it used so much data that I had to upgrade my package to 1GB.  I was now paying seventy eight a month and everyone else seemed to be paying twenty dollars less for the same thing!  The virtual keyboard was nice looking, but the typing was seriously slower than the iPhone.  The time it took for the screen to register my touch compared to that of the iPhone was significant.  The app store didn't have nearly as many choices as Apple's does, and you couldn't Jailbreak a BlackBerry.  I started catching myself staring excessively at my co workers' iPhones, thinking of what could've been.  It seemed that while RIM had developed a truly amazing piece of technology, it just couldn't hold a light to the iPhone.
  That thought was confirmed when I was reading in the news that RIM's stock had dropped, yet again.  With the introduction of Google's Android to throw another competitor in the market, RIM was falling behind.  While I am not a fan of Android phones myself, they are a great alternative to the person who doesn't want to have to deal with Apple's restriction of third party plugins, especially their refusal to allow users to install Flash Player on their devices.
 So here I am, stuck with my BlackBerry, which is currently out for repair.  The battery on it has been dropping, the whole device has developed the tendency to freeze almost daily now, and the other day, it literally took me fifteen minutes to send one freaking text!  Needless to say I would have a iPhone by now if I wasn't stuck in this contract for another two and a half years.  Yes, it seems that I am going to have to put up with this "not-so-smart" phone for a little while longer.  I am praying and hoping that it will work better when it's fixed; I have an older model BlackBerry for a loaner right now that works better than mine did!  So while the choice between the Blackberry and the iPhone may seem overwhelming at first; there's really no comparison between the two.  Apple is simply the higher power here; take a look at the stock market if you don't believe me!

Facebook: A Whole New Way to Stay in Touch or A Hacker's Wet Dream

  Well, it made Mr. Zuckerberg a billionaire very quickly.  Facebook has changed the Internet as we know it; there's hardly a single site that doesn't have a Facebook "like" button at the very least embedded in it.  You are expected to have a Facebook profile now; even my seventy four year old grandmother has one.  It's become a daily, if not hourly, routine for millions of people; wake up, check your fb to see what's going on with your friends and family.  When you go out with friends, of course you will check in on fb to let everyone know where you are, what you're doing, and who's with you.  It's really mind blowing when you think of it. I read a joke that said, and I am quoting here,

If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, poking each other, searching for their friends, thumbs-upping and commenting at everything they see and tagging one another.

Now, besides the obvious exaggeration in that, it's amazing to realize how true it is. People have come to depend on Facebook for a lot of things, whether to organize a party or event, to just asking your friend how the movie was; it would be truly interesting to see what would happen if Facebook shut down for a few days. I know how lost I was after losing my phone and not having one for a few days; in fact I didn't make it two days before I went out and bought a temporary one.  Communication is so important in this day and we want access to it at all times.  I'm sure I'm not the only person who would feel totally isolated without their cell phone.

  Yet while Facebook is a great way for staying in touch, especially with loved ones around the globe, it has its issues.  I don't know much about computers so I'm not exactly speaking from experience here and can't explain very well, but from what I've heard Facebook is full of privacy flaws.  I was talking to my computer teacher a few months back and he was telling me how bad their privacy settings really are; that's not to mention their privacy policy.  From the way he said it, it seemed that anything on your profile is not only yours, but is owned by Facebook as well.  Meaning they can use it how they please.  Maybe I misheard him though, because I really don't see how they could do that.  I know lot's of people that don't use their real last names for privacy; I always thought that was going a little bit to far, but if there are people out there you don't want to talk to it's a good idea.    Besides that, there's the issue of never being able to fully delete your profile, especially if you were an active user for a long time.   Every time you "like" something, that info appears in your Facebook profile as well as on the website.  You don't even have to log into Facebook before liking it; if you stayed logged in on your computer anywhere, it will automatically log you in there as well.   Kinda freaky when you think about it.  

   Of course there's always the stories that hackers can view your profile and instantly know everything about you; that's not exactly true.  And for the ones that are advanced enough to do that, no amount of privacy settings can stop them.  But just think about it for a minute, what do you have on your Facebook page?  I know my number's on there, as well as my blogs, and the schools I went to; the place I work and where I've worked before that.  Now, I'm a trusting person when it comes to people in general; I think most people on this earth are good at heart.  Yet there are those few who ruin it for everyone, so to speak.  

  I've heard and read that while you can "deactivate" your Facebook profile, you can never truly delete it from their servers.  Therefore, information about you can possibly be floating around in cyber space for years to come.  Of course Facebook has a very long Privacy Policy you are supposed to read before you can sign up, yet no one can be bothered to take the time to read it.  I'm sure some of us, if not all, would be surprised at how much information they can really use.   

  After everything's said and done, however, I still think that Facebook is an amazing and innovative way to keep in touch with the world.  After the 2011 Stanley Cup Riots, it was essential in organizing and gathering volunteers for cleanup of this beautiful city of ours; it is a great way to support a loved one on the other side of the world, a wonderful way to promote a new business.  People just need to keep in mind that everything they put on Facebook isn't necessarily going to remain private; in fact, like everything else on the Internet, it won't. So just be careful what you tell the world about yourself, and have faith that ninety nine percent of people are good; it's the other one percent who have put such mistrust into our eyes.

Just Spit It Out

    There's the odd time where you'll be in a relationship with someone who will honestly tell you how they feel.  Yet the emphasis is on odd.   Most of the time you will be left guessing, that seems to be the norm is this culture. There are many clues you can pick up on; tone of voice, word choice, body language, facial expressions, energy vibes, and any or all of those combined.  Of course there are certain times when 99% of those signs go out the window; texting, for example.  I have touched on this issue in another post recently; when you're texting or chatting online you have no body language to go by whatsoever.  Even a simple phone call can reveal more information than texting can.  When it comes to communication, texting is among the worst for expressing emotions.  
   Nevertheless, none of these ways would be any better or worse than the other if only people said what they were feeling; what they are really thinking. We all do it, yet I have no clue why that is.  You ask your best friend how they are; and you know when they say, "I'm fine", that really they're not.  You can tell by the tone of their voice; the look in their eyes.   Sometimes you'll have a fight with someone, or even just an emotional talk, and then go over in your head replaying everything they said; trying in vain to bring out the actual meaning behind those words.
  What happened to just saying what you mean?  The standard question these days, at work with your co workers, at school, with your neighbors, even with strangers; how are you? or how's your day going?  When it's someone you don't know the answer always  is, "I'm good thanks, how are you?"  This just keeps going on in what we recognize as "small talk".  I'm not saying when asked how you are, you tell your life story or anything; this post is more focused on those that are your friends, even your family.
  When you ask a stranger or even a co worker how they are doing, you don't expect, or even want to hear the truth; you're simply being polite in the way society has defined it.  Yet when you ask someone you love, you truly want to know.  You're not just trying to be polite or considerate; you really do care about how they are doing. Yet even then, sometimes you'd be hard pressed to get a fully honest answer.
  We all have things we keep inside ourselves; whether that is because we don't trust someone else with such delicate emotions, or simply telling just hurts more to hear it out loud, even that we don't want to become an emotional burden on those we love.  For some reason or other, we keep it to ourselves.   I don't feel that way.  While I understand that everyone has secrets, I believe they are for sharing with those we trust more than anyone else.  Yes, sometimes you think you can, and do, trust a friend or family member that just ends up hurting you in the end; yet if you always thought that way, you would never be close to anyone.   If you know that person loves you for who you are, you should be able to trust them.  By withholding your true emotions from them, you're basically sending them the message that you still don't trust them with your heart.  To slightly contradict myself here though, of course you're not going to trust a newly made friend right away.  
         One way I see trust is as a tree; it starts off just one seed. You plant it, water it everyday, and let it grow.  Throughout its life, especially when it's new, you have to nurture it; protect it from the elements in the winter, make sure it's fully hydrated in the summer, watch it blossom in the spring.  There will always be dangers to it; yet it will grow.  Its roots getting deeper and deeper over time.  Of course, even with all that strength, it's not invisible; nothing is.  If there's no water, it will slowly die of thirst.  It could die quickly; fire could consume it to a point beyond repair, lightening could split it down the middle.  Yet it is truly strong; not invincible, but with a very high endurance.  Then of course, it could be standing for hundreds of years only to be cut down in a minute by the greedy hands of us humans; what has been around and growing for hundreds of years, gone in a blink of the eye.  As if it was nothing to grow another that big.
     I believe it's exactly the same with relationships.  Your love and trust for each other continues to grow everyday; to get stronger. Yet there's always the possibility of the hand to demolish it in the blink of an  eye.  So choose those you trust carefully, yet when you do choose, trust them completely.  Because after a time, when they have already trusted you fully to show you their deepest part of their heart, they will start to wonder why you still keep them in the dark with yours.  While you think that everything's OK because they trust you to share their feelings with, you may not realize how much it's hurting them that you won't share yours.  So say what you truly mean, talk about your feelings for each other, show them how much you trust them. For if there's little or no trust in a relationship it will slowly die; like the mighty tree slowly dying of thirst.

The Good Ol' Days

  I sit here today and think back.  To simpler times; when I would wait in class for the recess bell to ring, count down the minutes until three o'clock.  Those were the days; no bills to pay, just living by the day.  Funny, it wasn't that long ago, yet it feels like a lifetime.  It makes me laugh to remember all the things I used to find amusing back then; the toys, the games...all the fads.
  The music back then was so much better; not to say I don't like all the modern music now, but the songs from years ago seemed to have so much more feeling to them.  Of course back then there were no iPods, MP3's, or Smartphones.  When I was in school I had my good old Walkmen cassette player.  I would have a big fanny pack to carry it in and had to keep switching sides of the tapes.  I sit here now smiling and slowly shaking my head, it's really a wonder how far technology has taken us. I still remember how excited I was when my grandma bought me a Fisher CD Walkman!  Oh how I treasured that back then.  It was anti skip (remember how much trouble you could have trying to listen to a CD while running or even walking?) and shock resistant, whatever that meant.  As I unwrapped it I had a big smile across my face.  Nowadays, who doesn't have an iPod?  Even young kids have iPhones or iPods now; they've completely dominated the mp3 and cell phone market for years now.
  In school, there were Gameboys (remember the original one?  Gray and literally inches thick, with a black and white display), Pokemon, Razor Scooters, oh....who can forget the short lived return of Pogo sticks!  Ah, those were the good days; who really, doesn't want to be a kid again?  If only for a short time.  When I was young all I could think about was how I couldn't wait until I grew up; oh man, wouldn't life be sweet as an adult!  I could drive cars, eat whatever I want, go to bed whenever I want....yes, certainly it was wayyyy better than being stuck a kid having to listen to those stupid adults!
  I would kill to go back to those days now; I'm sick of paying bills, sick of working everyday, sick of how complicated relationships have become.  My imagination used to run wild in those years; now, I can't even write a fiction story without getting a blank mind after a few pages. Yeah sure, you didn't have much freedom with adults watching over your every move, but what really is freedom?   When I think about it, I had just as much freedom back then as I do now, maybe even more.  When you grow up, yes there's a lot more things you can do, yet you're still bound in ways.  I can't not go to work; can't just call them and say, 'it's so nice out today that I thought I would play in the park, be in tomorrow.'  Regardless of what else I want to do, I have to get my a** to work on time, five days a week, fifty two weeks a year.    You can't just relax in school without worries, playing board games, drawing, painting....no, you have your career to think about.  Consequently, you'd better study hard and get good grades if you want to succeed.  The time for all the fun stuff is over; now it's time to study...and study...and study.  Remember how you could eat anything when you were young and not worry about it?  Well, say goodbye to candy, say farewell to pizza and pop; those kinda diets will not only pack on the pounds, but steal years away from your life as well.  Looks weren't as important when you were a kid; now, everybody wants to look their best for that special someone, or if single, wants to attract that special someone.
   That's why you look at kids, babies, and can't help smiling; at their innocence, their easy laughter.  I miss those days already.  The simple innocence of children is something we can never get back once it's gone, but I will always have the memories, of those simpler days; a lifetime ago.

Reading Enriches My Life

  Ever since I was a young child reading has always been important to me.  I've always loved to just sit down with a good book and get lost in that world of stories for hours.  I've always liked detective/crime novels; something about them has always drawn me.  My favorite kind of books to read are series; I like to get to know the characters and their attitudes.  One of my most cherished authors is Robert B Parker, who I was saddened to read recently passed away.   His Spenser series were just amazing; about a witty somewhat smart ass private detective with a large heart and tough as nails.  That's just one of the many many detective series I love to follow.
  Then there's the CIA type books which I die for.  There's a number of series of those I enjoy, including Stuart Woods' "Holly Barker" series.  I love reading about government agencies as well as spies and oversees operations.  Of course, it's all fiction; but who really knows what secret government agencies do in real life.  I haven't read any non fiction books on this topic yet; when I think about, I don't really know why either, I'm sure I would enjoy them.
  I recently discovered the legendary works of Charles Dickens.  Over all the years I've been reading and the thousands of books in which I've turned pages, Dickens has provided me with one of the most entertaining, intriguing reads ever.  I haven't read many of his books, in fact I just finished my second book by him.  While his books are extremely long, they follow a complex plot and the writing is extraordinary.  Sometimes, for me at least, when I have been reading a book before that has been set in a different century, I didn't really stay attuned to what was happening.  Yet with his novels, I find it easy to stay interested through all one thousand pages.  The whole story line is just so interesting and written so well that it's one of those books where you just don't want to put it down for a second.  I just downloaded another book of his and am tingling in anticipation to start it; I just know I will be blown away all over again.
  I used to literally spend hundreds, if not close to a thousand, dollars at a neighborhood bookstore, Kidsbooks.  The staff there were amazing and I will be forever great-full to them for all the books they recommended that brought me countless hours of pleasure. They introduced me to dozens of series that I absolutely loved and couldn't wait to read the new one every time it came out.  They had unlimited patience and were extremely friendly.  Being a person who honest to god, cannot make up my mind, I would go there to get a few books and leave two hours later.  I used to sit there and just read, sometimes half the book, before I decided to buy it. They never said a word.  I went to author signings there, and remember waiting at midnight for the Harry Potter series to be realised.  I have outgrown those types of books now and haven't been there in a few years, but they will always get a glowing recommendation from me for there amazing staff.  I hope to bring my kids there someday.
  The other category of books I want to mention is the cultural ones.  I haven't read a lot of these, less than I like anyways, but when I do I am blown away all over again.  First, how could I talk about cultural books without mentioning Bryce Courtenay.  His often very long books are just incredible.  Unique in the fact that most of them revolve around a main character who we meet when still a child and follow through until adulthood.  Sometimes that just will be one book, often it will be more.  I've read almost everything he's written and a few characters take two or three books to picture their lives.  A good majority of his books are set in South Africa or Australia and centre around inner strength when faced with extremely unfavorable circumstances.  They aren't light reading, and a few of them have almost brought me to tears more than once, yet he really portrays how amazing the human spirit is and how love always is with us.  I could go through almost all his books just from memory, yet that would be a very long post, so I will just keep to the basic themes.  Most of his books are set in the early to mid twentieth century, often either set around the first or second world war.  Because of this, there is a good number of war scenes involving the main characters.  He often finds a way to show the good in people even among such bad times.  Suffice to say he's among one of the most, if not the most amazing writers I've ever read.  I like books that deal with other cultures and religions.  Just being able to see that humans are so diverse in every part of the world is always amazing.  I haven't read as many of these as I like, but the few I have read have really opened my mind.
  A few weeks ago I just completed reading The Holy Quran.  While I am not a religious person and don't believe or pray to any God, it gave me an insight into a whole vastly different lifestyle. I won't say anything much on this topic for the risk of offending someone.  It took me a while to get through, yet it was by far one of the most outstanding things I've ever read, whether I believe it or not.

 

You Think It Would Be Easy To Get Money

Money's everywhere; yes, it doesn't grow on trees, yet you would think it would be easy to borrow. With all the credit cards, banks, and financial companies out there, I imagined borrowing a few thousand would be simple. I am supposed to be getting my scooter and driving it home right this minute; yet I am siting here at the bank. All I need is a few thousand dollars; not that much money for a bank loan, right? Yet they make it so complicated! You need to have a credit check, since I haven't worked long enough I need to have a co signer (my mom in this case). Then we have to wait to be approved. So freaking complicated.
Good news though; as I write this our banker has already informed us that the loan has been approved and we'll be on our way in a few moments. I would say this is my lucky day, yet I really have lost faith in the notion of luck. I believe that bad luck exists in abundance; as for good luck though, I seem to have missed that part of life. All I can hope for from this moment on is that this scooter lasts me a good amount of years; that would be a huge blessing!
So I pray on this day that He is listening and hears my prayers. For He truly is all knowing, all seeing. May God bless this vehicle of mine and may it be the last one I have to get.

I Give Up; I Have to Have Nice Things

    I am not the average nineteen year old working for little pay.  I see them everyday; people my age living alone, getting by on the same salary as myself.  I've talked to them in school, at work, and I am completely baffled at how they do it.  I still live at home; I can't afford to pay for rent on what I make.  The rent in my area of town is crazy; one bedroom apartments going for at least a grand a month.  Once you add in cable, Internet, and other utilities, I would be spending a big majority of my income on rent, leaving nothing for everything else.
  The other factor holding me back from moving out is simply the lifestyle changes I would have to make.  Now let me say, I like nice things; who doesn't?  The difference for me as opposed to others, I believe, is if I want something bad enough I just buy it.  I don't think of the monetary costs; it's simply not an option not to get it.  Now, that doesn't mean that I buy EVERYTHING I want; I really have to find it essential in order to get it.  The difference for me is that I have a somewhat morphed definition of "essential".   For example, I will not, I repeat will not, take the bus.  If I am left without a vehicle I generally take cabs, even if it drains my bank account fast than a hole in my pocket.  A vehicle is an essential item for me.  When it comes to communication, I must have my Blackberry. I am currently paying a fortune (even my friends and family think I am getting royally ripped off) for that one little piece of technology every month.  When I decided I wanted a  laptop, I went out and bought one just like that.  If I am pressed for time or just feeling lazy, I go out to eat.
 I have no problem borrowing money from people, although I prefer not to. Yet if I want something bad enough, I will find a way to get it.  When I think back over the years, there's very few things I've wanted that I haven't gotten.  From the age of sixteen I've had my own vehicle (actually I've somehow managed to get and lose four in three years) because after years of taking the bus across town to school, I simply couldn't do it anymore.  Some may say that I'm spoiled. Well that may be true, considering my age and such, I simply view it as I had to have those things.  In my eyes, it's not a luxury to have a vehicle; it's a simple right.  A lot of people thought I was crazy when I told them I was paying so much for a car; in insurance that is.  After losing my Smart car, virtually everyone I know told me I shouldn't drive; I should give up and take the bus.   Well, I'm sorry guys, but while you may not mind the bus, it simply causes to much stress in my life to go without a vehicle.
   When it comes to food, I make certain concessions.  I stopped buying all organic items over a year ago when I realized how expensive they were.  If I have the time, I will shop around to get the best price on certain food.  Yes it sucks, but before I was paying fifthteen hundred a month for food.  I have managed to get that down  significantly since finding cheaper stores and brands.  Yet that doesn't mean I worry about the price of something if I'm in a hurry, and I do enjoy the causal meal out every now and then.  I am a huge fan of Capers/Whole Foods Market.  The food they have there is all natural and ohhhh, it just tastes so f**king good.  Their prepared foods section is huge and the food is mouth watering.  In fact, if asked where I would like to go out for dinner, with the exception of a few fine dining restaurants I'm fond of, I would most certainly go to Capers.  Even a simple salad and sandwich there is heaven.  Their soup is amazing, and they have these fresh made wraps from their burrito bar that are to die for.  While it's not anywhere close to what you'd pay for a fine dining restaurant, a good sized meal will cost about ten dollars.  If you choose to go to their hot food bar (which just thinking of it makes my mouth water), you will be paying around twenty.  When you think about it, that's getting up there to rival a sit down restaurant.  Yet I am addicted now and go there at least once a week, if not more.
  When it comes to clothes, I'm not as picky as everything else; although I do like nice brand names.  Yet out of everything, I have the most trouble paying for expensive items.  My mother has bought my clothes for me all my life, just kinda sorta stopping now that I'm almost twenty.  Yes I know, your mouth dropped open when you read that.  I realize that I'm in the minority when it comes to this subject, most kids buying there own clothes from their early to mid teens.  Yet that's the way it's always been, and as they say; "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
of somewhat heated discussions with the librarian over the issue.  We were in a four month long disagreement; they wanted to charge me ten dollars for every book I "wrecked", which in the end came up to around a hundred and fifty dollars!  Well, after trying to figure out how to rectify this problem (i couldn't afford to buy a new book every two days for ten to thirty dollars), I just went out and bought an Ereader.  I was shaking my head as I forked over almost three hundred dollars for the thing and everyone said I couldn't afford it, yet it wasn't worth the stress of continuing with the library.
  I don't like spending boatloads of money on things that in reality, I can't really afford in the long run and shouldn't be buying, yet I am a shopaholic.  Funny thing about me is I won't go into a store just to browse and come out with a few hundred dollars full of stuff; I must really want it and know I'm going to use it before I buy it.  Once I've made up my mind that I need it though, I must have it.  Simple as that, for now anyways.  It'll certainly be interesting when I am living on my own and have a extra thousand dollars to pay in rent.  But for now, I don't see the point in saving. Life is short, things are nice; you might as well have them if they spice up your life!

I've Done It Now

  Well, I started to feel it a few days ago, yet I ignored it.  It started off as just a sore leg, which I brushed aside as the result of switching my cardio from the elliptical to the Stairmaster.  Simple right?  Like switching exercises in your lifting routine; I thought nothing of it.  Over the next few days though, I started to notice it when it didn't go away like I thought it would.  Yet still, bah; I'll just work through it, stop using the Stairmaster for a week.  Little did I know how bad it actually was.
  In the last few days, as I said I was only using the cross trainer and it seemed to be getting better.  I was more concerned than normal because it was the same foot that I fractured a year ago; I was in a aircast for over a month as a result.  Yet I still thought it was just the new stress of a different exercise than my body was used to.   I mean, when you go running or play a sport you haven't played in a long time, you're bound to wake up sore the next day.  Simple as that right?  Nothing more to it.  Wrong!    I woke up yesterday to a slightly swollen ankle, decided it wasn't all that bad still and went to the gym anyway.  Surprisingly, it didn't bother me that much there, so I figured it was healing.   When I got to work yesterday afternoon, it was bothering me more.  I knew it was going to be a tough shift, but hey!, someone's got to pay the bills..  Everything started out fine and I thought I would be alright; it was only a six hour shift after all.  I started feeling it almost immediately though, but as I was already there and we were busy I put it out of my mind.  I was dead tired too, and a funny thing happens to me when I am lacking so much sleep; I start laughing, at everything!  My co workers found it hilarious; for the first two hours of my shift I swear to God, I couldn't stop laughing.  All the while feeling an enormous pain at the same time.  Everybody was staring at me, and I mean REALLY staring. For it wasn't a normal "hahaha" laugh, no it was a manic crazy person laugh.  The type of laughing where you literally can't stop, and when it does recede for a few seconds or a minute, just the action of someone looking at you can get you cracking up again.  All the customers were staring at me, and if that wasn't crazy enough, when those moments came where I wasn't laughing my a** off, I had this mile wide smile plastered on my face.  The kind of smile that is the result of talking to your crush when in high school; I'm talking a "this guy must be high" smile.  In fact, my co workers were asking me, perhaps jokingly, if I had maybe enjoyed a joint before work.  I wouldn't be surprised if some of the customers were thinking the same thing.
  After about an hour, the laughing left me; I think I just ran out of adrenaline.  For that's the reason I was laughing so hard in the first place (and maybe feeling a wee bit high after all).  With all the pain and trauma to my leg, I'm sure the adrenaline was flowing through me faster than a speeding bullet. Once it wore off though, that's when the real ordeal began.  From then until we closed, I was in sheer pain; agony.  I mean it was just horrible; not much else in my life rivals it.  When we started the closing routine, my co workers were NOT happy with me since I couldn't really do any of the work.  I cleaned a few counters, that's it.  That doesn't mean I didn't try; of course I did.  I really like and respect everyone I work with and I didn't want them to be a person short.  In the end though, I had to just go to the staff room until it was time to leave; why did I even go to work again?
   My story doesn't end there, oh no.  I called my mom and she had to come pick me up.  Yet I tried and could barely get down the stairs to leave, let alone walk the ten minutes to the back door.  My mom (thank god I have her) had to bring my crutches that were at home from the time I fractured my foot, and then had to ask the security guard to let her into the warehouse and walk all the way to the staff room to give them to me. Then began the long and painful walk to the car; I was "ouching" and "god***iting" all the way to the car.   Saved again by my mom (may God bless her).  
  It appears to me, and I really don't know why, that there's always some trauma or other going on in my life at any given moment.  Can I just have a few months where all goes smoothly?  Just a few months!  So it looks like I will be missing another day of work tomorrow in favor of icing my ankle and visiting the doctor.  I really can't think of any better way to describe my life other than the very name of this blog.

Cabs; A rich man's ride

  Well, as you know I am without a car right now; it's been two weeks since my accident in which my motorcycle was totaled.  While I have been getting rides to work mostly and trying to gather up the patience to take the bus, i often find myself calling for a cab.   I had forgotten how ridiculously expensive they were until I had my car accident; to say I was shocked is an understatement.  It cost me twenty five dollars to get downtown to work the other day, a ten minute drive from my house.  That means they're charging almost three dollars a minute!    It's sheer robbery I tell you!  I always forget how expensive it is to take a taxi in this city; the fact that hits me the hardest is the enormous amount of cash I am constantly having to get out of the bank machine everyday.  I find it hard to keep up, withdrawing a hundred dollars and then two days later taking more out.  If I continue at this rate my bank account will be empty faster than you can say "taxi".    The fact that they start at almost four dollars before you even get in the car is f**ked up, the whole industry is.  Yet they easily get away with it because when it comes down to it, it's certainly a pleasure not to have to drive places yourself, or even worst, take the bus!
   The bus system in this city is just horrible, absolutely awful!  It will take me three times longer to take the bus to work than to drive!  Three times longer!  I honestly don't know how people do it, yet millions in this city do.  Then you have to deal with the fact of having to sit or stand next to anybody and everybody, and your trip is not very pleasant.  I will say, although lot's say I'm being ridiculas, I get a little homicidal when I have to take the bus.  Most of the time I spend sitting rigidly in my seat, having to bite my tongue not to yell at the bus driver to hurry the f**k up!  Obviously you can't expect to go very fast when you have to stop every two minutes, yet they could put a little more effort into it.  But why should they?  They are driving the bus for the next ten hours anyways, why do they need to hurry?  I think if this city was more transit friendly then I wouldn't mind taking the bus; after all it saves you thousands compared to a car or taking cabs.   Yet they just can't seem to make it efficient.  You will have bus drivers that just sit at a stop for five minutes, just twiddling there thumbs.  I know they do this so they will be on schedule and people won't miss their bus because it arrived five minutes earlier, yet if they would have more buses running more frequently, it wouldn't be an issue to start with.   I took the bus to high school years ago for a long time, and I hated every minute of it, vowing that as soon as I got my license I would get a vehicle of my own.    Surprisingly, from age seventeen and on I've always had something or other to drive.
  I just don't understand how cab companies can charge the astronomical amount that they do from point A to point B.  It's enough to make you shake your head at the greed of some people.  Then there's the drivers who don't even turn on the meter, they just take you to the place and name a price.  Personally, I don't care if they do that as long as I know how long it takes to get there; I'm not letting them rip me off when thy're doing something that goes against policy in the first place!   Often I will end up getting a better deal then I would had they turned on their meter.
  For now, I try to take cabs only when I really can't fathom walking or busing; for example when I go to the gym at six in the  morning.  It's well worth the six or seven bucks to get their and be able to start my workout immediately as opposed to spending fifth-teen or twenty minutes walking.  And if it's raining and cold; forget it!  There's no way in hell I'm walking in that and getting drenched in the process before I even start at the gym!  So while I would love to take taxis everywhere and not have to worry about driving, insurance, parking, all the crap that comes with having your own car, I simply don't have, nor want to waste, hundreds of dollars every week to get a ride.  Cab's are great for the business man who's company is paying for them, or for the person who's making fifty or sixty grand a year, but for the average guy working at a fast food joint, it's simply not an option for long.

Long Distance Relationships; I Just Don't See It

    Today, I would like to add my thoughts to this topic.  The long distance relationship; loving someone who's in another part of the world.   There's millions of people in them, and with all the modern social networking technology online, long distance relationships are becoming more and more common.  There's people who meet in chat rooms or through another site, and end up being in a relationship for years.  Personally, that would be the worst kind of torment for me.   While chatting online and through Facebook and similar sites is great and convenient, over time you can begin to want something more than that.   Technology's gotten so far advanced that you can have a very good simulation of the person in the room with you.  What with high definition web cams on every laptop, video chat integrated into sites, and real time messaging, it really helps to bring that person closer.  You could talk to them for hours, face to face.  If they got a new earring or piece of clothing they are really excited about, you can see and share in their joy.  Yet, there will always be a part missing; actually being able to touch; to feel.  To be able to just sit down together and talk; to simply be able to hold their hand.  After having an online only relationship for so long, people can want more; and that leads to more problems than I can name, but I'll give you my two cents on some of them.    If you love someone dearly, it's only a logical conclusion that you would want to spend time with them.  No matter how many pixels per inch there are, no matter how amazing the microphone is, it can never really replace the value and wonder at seeing them in person.
  We humans are a very physical type; can you imagine a world where body language doesn't play a part in the conversation?  After all, we all know that it's not what they're saying, but rather how they're saying it.   The words coming out of their mouth could be the exact opposite of what they really want to say.  They could be smiling, yet their eyes could be telling a completely different story.  When looking at a screen, you could miss the pain in the eyes, the trembling lip.   The bad sound quality could make you mistake the tremble in their voice.   Yes, you're still there to comfort them when they are sad or hurt, yet how can that ever compare to simply wrapping them in your arms and holding them?  One analogy I could make is watching a fire on the TV when you're freezing, yet feeling no heat.  No matter how amazing of a picture you get on your three thousand dollar screen, you will never be warm.  It's the same with online dating, you may talk everyday, yet in the end it's purely a virtual relationship; you never get to hold them, or feel their touch.
  I believe there are those people out there that who truly get all they need out of a relationship, while never actually feeling the need to see the other.  They could be that way for years, only talking through online applications.  They would still be emotionally connected and love each other deeply.  However, that's not for me.  I greatly value the notion of actually being physically close to the persons I love.  Just talking through text, chat or even video chat isn't enough if I truly love someone.   In the end, what matters to me is to be by that persons side when they need me, and to have them with me; for there's nothing like a simple hug to show how much you truly love someone.

Why Texting Can Drive Me Nuts

  Well, it started off slow, a way to talk to somebody without having to actually speak to them.  Yes, I'm talking about texting; the largely dominant form of communication between young persons today.  It's great if you're in a boring class; you may be silent but your hands are typing at the speed of light under the table.  Back when cell phones only had the "conventional" number pad, texting took forever, even if you were an expert at it.  Nowadays, you are in a very small minority if you don't have a smartphone.  Even the normal cells all have full keyboards now.
  I think texting is great; in most situations I vastly prefer it over talking on the phone.  At work, for example, I obviously can't whip my Blackberry out to make a call; yet I am constantly checking my texts every hour or so.  I didn't think it made much difference until I lost my phone for two days.  Those work days dragged on, and on, and on...jesus it was awful.  I felt so isolated without my all mighty smart phone.  I think I send around two thousand texts a month; hardly anything compared to some people.
  Yet there are lots of times where I would vastly prefer a simple phone call.  One of the things I hate the most with texting is the waiting; waiting sometimes hours for that person to get back to me.  It kinda defeats the whole purpose of the speed and convenience of it.  When you call someone, it's simple; they answer the phone and you have a conversation, say goodbye, then hang up.  Conversely, I'll be texting my friends and sometimes waiting a day for them to get back to me; or we'll be texting back and forth and suddenly they'll just disappear only to respond hours later.  Can you imagine virtually every phone call or yours dropping, then calling back for hours only to get a busy tone?  That's how I feel sometimes; it can really drive me insane.
  It's different than chatting online because whereas texting you have no clue if they are even looking at the phone when you send it, if you're chatting on Facebook or MSN you can see that they are online and even when they're typing a reply.  I wish texting had the same features.  It really bugs me (in fact it's in my top ten pet peeves) when I text someone and then wait hours for them to reply, or when they just disappear in the middle of a conversation.   I mean, how rude!  And the worst part is, with a few of my friends, they don't like me to call them so the only thing I can do is wait, and wait, and wait some more.
  So while texting may have it's advantages, especially at work or school, I believe it truly can never replace the phone call.  Too much waiting, tricky to gauge emotions, and don't forget you can't listen to your loved one's beautiful voice!

Time to Exchange the Car for the Motorcycle

  Well, I was warned, by family, friends, and even some fellow fitness enthusiasts at the gym; with all the accidents I've had, my insurance is going to skyrocket.  Well, sure enough, I was on the phone with the broker the other day, because my dealer already found me another Smart car, and after typing in her computer she comes back on the line and tells me to insure another car will cost me EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS a year!  You can imagine my reaction; you've got to be f**kin kidding me!  Of course, I didn't really swear; being polite first and foremost always in my mind; after all, she's not the idiot at ICBC who decided to abolish my messily little 15% discount for safe driving (which would've been bad enough) and tack on a 30% SURCHARGE.  I still am reeling at this turn of events; obviously there's no way I can afford to get that car now; I could practically buy a new car every year with the amount I would be spending on insurance!  So once again, it seems my only option for now is getting yet another motorbike.  Yet even with a bike, my premiums are going to be around three thousand!  Compare that to the one thousand I was paying for my previous motorcycle and it's still staggering!   I just pray and hope to any God willing to listen that I don't have any more collisions; I literally can't afford it anymore. The next bike I get, I'm vowing to keep for a longgg time, although with the way my luck's been in the past...... who really knows?   I already miss having a car; back to getting drenched in the rain, taking cabs in the snow, and having hardly any storage for my one hours grocery shopping sprees.

Exercise; for getting rid of all your emotional problems

  Well, it's a fact that exercise helps you reduce your stress.  When people are fighting or are pissed off about something, they tend to be physical about it; to work off that negative energy.  Whether it be just something simple like a walk around the block, or more intense, a run for example, exercising can make you feel a lot better. Just something about it clears your head; not to mention the adrenaline rush if you're working hard enough.
  I find for me, regular workouts really help me relax; give my brain a rest for a few hours a day and just focus on lifting, or running, etc.  Now, my definition of regular is probably a little out of whack compared to other's.  Take, for example, tonight.  I had some things that I was stressed about and just generally frustrated; you know the kind.  So off to the gym I went, with nothing more in my head than to work my a** off.  I started off with the stair master, one of my favorite machines for really getting the intensity up.  I went on that for an hour, at a high level(15).  Usually at this point, I would call it a night, stretch, and go home, yet I didn't feel like sitting at home.  I knew once I got back, I would still be active and start thinking about all the emotional problems in my life right now.  Just to push myself even more then, I went on the stationary bike; just ten minutes I told myself.  Well, I ended going for half an hour, just getting drenched in the process. By the time I was done that, I could hardly stand up, let alone think of anything besides the basic; one foot in front of the other, all the way to the showers.
  Now, cardio is great for that, but I would prefer lifting.  When you are lifting weights, you are more or less forced to concentrate and not think of anything else.  When I'm doing a heavy lift and let my mind wander, I'm risking losing focus and hurting myself.  So you see, I simply can't let anything else occupy my mind at that time.  For example, if I'm doing squats and have literally hundreds of pounds on my shoulders, if I lose focus and make a mistake, it could be a fatal one.  Just think about it, you have four or five hundred pounds of dead weight across your shoulders and upper back, and you lose your balance because you're not focused.  The bar will come crashing down, all that weight falling on your back.  Can you say broken neck?  When I am doing heavy squats, I am totally focused on the exercise; in fact, if you were standing right next to me talking away, I wouldn't even hear you.  It's one of those rare moments when your mind is clear of all other thoughts except for one; getting that weight back to the pins so that you can end that torment to your legs:P.  
  There are many other ways of getting rid of stress of course, but I find for me, working my butt off until I can't think of anything else is the best way; plus it keeps me in good shape!

I Don't Care How I Sound; I'm Going to Sing

  We've all seen them; those people who will be walking down the street singing to themselves.  There mostly just quietly reciting the song for their ears, yet there are those who virtually scream as if the world was their audience.  Some have really good voices; most don't.   I have a secret confession to make; I am one of those people.  While my short term memory is just horrible, I can easily recall the words to a good majority of the thousands of songs on my ipod.  Whether it be rap, hip hop, jazz, folk, anything really, after listening to it a few times, I've usually got it down enough to sing along.  Then there's those songs that I have completely memorized; James Taylor's "Fire and Rain" for example.  I don't get embarrassed, and it's not uncommon to find me walking down the street singing.  In fact, I'm the type of person that looks up the lyrics to songs, listens to the song while reading along, and after a few listens, it's in my head.   The hardest part in singing a song correctly isn't getting the words right; rather, it's getting the tempo of them correct.  Yet it's fun to get lost in singing; you always have your voice wherever you are and whatever you're doing.  I sing mostly at home and when in the car, but you can catch me singing when I'm at the gym as well.  You know when your favorite song comes on and you just have to sing along?  So I'll be working out on the elliptical or stair master and the song will come on and I'll spontaneously break out and sing along.   Needless to say I've gotten some odd stares and glaces from the people beside me!  There's a guy at the gym that sings in the shower every morning; same time every day.  I will be outside and guys will be changing and then hear this singing echoing off the shower stalls.  He's singing again, they will say with a smile.    He comes out wrapped in his towel like nothing happened, cool as a cucumber.  Ah, yes it's always good to have music in our lives; who says I can't be the one to provide it, whether you asked or not!

Sleep is nice but....

  Everyone knows how important sleep is to health and mind, and it's been talked about so often that I'm just going to chime in on my personal view today.  I remember when I was a kid at daycare; we would have nap time every day and, when all the other kids were up and playing, I would still be sleeping.  I would sleep well past the hour or so we got.  Then there comes the time when you have a "bedtime".  You hate having to go to sleep when your parents tell you to; "but mom, I'm not tired!".  You argue and argue, eventually to end up in bed all the same.  Whether you sleep or not is the question.  I remember going to bed, my mom would turn the lights off, and I would be under the covers playing Gameboy games, or reading.  
  Then there's the teenage years, those years where you want to stay up all night; you really don't get tired.  You want to go out late with your friends, go to parties, just generally be out come midnight.  Some parents don't mind; they know where you are and how you're getting home.  Others, on the other hand, go ballistic!  Now, I never stayed out late; consequently I never had a curfew so to speak.  From an early teen age, and even maybe before, I used to go for walks down to the beach at ten at night, alone.  Sure my mom worried and wasn't all that happy about it, but I went anyways cause it was one of my favorite things to do; still is today.   I was never the party type; don't drink, didn't like at the "rap" and "hop-hip" and "techno or metal" that kids my age seemed to be listening to. I would be damned if I was going to sit, or stand rather, in a room in someone's house and listen to that crap loud enough to make my ears ring!   
   My mom knew that, maybe that's why she wasn't all that strict.  Sometimes, when I had a job in UBC, I would walk to my house in Kits after work at ten or eleven at night. Got home at midnight then, yet it wasn't like I was causing any trouble.
   During those years, although I stayed up late, I did sleep.  A LOT!  I was always late for school due to the fact that I was to tired to get up at eight.  Now, as I write this, I wouldn't dream of sleeping in that late!  In fact, if by some chance my alarm doesn't go off (and it's happened a few times) and I sleep in, I am angry and frustrated for the whole day!  The fact that I had so much to do and now just wasted two hours sleeping just pisses me off like nothing else!
   There was a few year period when I had major sleeping issues, and I mean I was going crazy!  Still that was back when I wanted to sleep between ten and twelve hours a day, and would often be up for hours during the  night.  The kind of feeling where you're lying in bed just praying that when you close your eyes this time you will sleep; the next thing you know you open your eyes after having felt like you slept for hours and only twenty minutes have gone by.  F*ck!    During that time, I tried everything.  Went to the doctor and was on I don't know how many different kinds of sleeping pills, both prescription and over-the-counter.    I remember those nights where I would wake up two hours after I fell asleep and just take a sh*tload of Gravol or some other pills the doctor gave me because I knew I had to get up for school in a few hours and was freaking out. Lying in my bed at three in the morning, watching info-mercials on cable just because my brain was too exhausted to think anymore.  Then going to school the next day and having to try to stay awake through that damn science class.  You know the one where the projector is running; quietly humming in the background, the teacher's voice sounding like they were speaking in a different language, and all the lights off.  I didn't have any problems sleeping then!  Often I would just feel my eyelids getting closer together and the next thing I knew, the lights were on and people were telling me to wake up!  
   I finally decided, after being on those pills for years, to just say f*ck it!  I gave up coffee (that was one of the hardest things I've had to do, oh the withdrawal from such a lovely drug we call caffeine), started going to bed at a decent time, and above all, woke up earlier.  Yes, I got less sleep, and until my body got used to not having the pills to put me to sleep, it was horrible.   Gradually though, I got used to it, or I should say my body got used to it, and I started sleeping better.  That was about two years ago; now when I think of sleep I am grateful for the little bit I get.
   My normal routine these days is, up at five thirty during the week, up at six fifthteen on weekends.  Granted I only sleep in on weekends because my gym opens later and I always go there first.  I feel blessed and lucky now if I get SIX hours of sleep; that doesn't happen that often.  Things have been busy these last few months, and I've been averaging about four hours during the week and five on weekends. *sigh*  Oh well, what can I say?  I never get tired at night anymore; instead it will hit me mid morning or early afternoon and I will feel like sh*t sometimes, but that's another thing I've gotten used to.  Although I don't get to sleep much anymore, I'm fairly content (or maybe I should say resigned to) the reality that I'm not going to get much more than five hours a night.  Lately, I'll find myself going to bed at one and getting up at five thirty, dragging myself out of bed to go to the gym.  Yet I do love a good nap and if I ever have a free moment I grab some much needed zzz's.  Sleep can be a pain in the ass; napping, on the other hand, is paradise.   With everything being so busy in my life and so many emotions coming at me from every side possible, I might as well feel lucky that I sleep at all!

Kids These Days; I Feel So Old

      At nineteen, I feel about thirty.  Looking around and talking to my peers, I can't believe how they are.  Yes, I may be leaning on stereotypes a little bit here, yet it seems to be more or less the "norm".  The other day, I was talking to a co worker of mine; he seemed to be your average young guy.  Working and going to school, he both studies and parties; drinks and dances.  And when the conversation wandered into the likely topic of "girls", I was blown away!  He's single, from what I have gathered, yet is always with one girl or the other.  That is his Saturday night; get off work, go to the club with friends, and go home with a girl.  Now, what can I say to that?  I would say, "damn! he's a lucky SOB", except what he does just doesn't appeal all that much to me.  Having a one night stand isn't bad; sure you have a great time with no strings attached, no worries.  Yet I don't see how it can be that simple.  What if the girl wakes up the next morning and thinks, "well I would like to see him again"; are you just going to ignore her when she calls?  Or are you going to tell her you just wanted to sleep with her, nothing else, so go find someone else.  I personally couldn't do that; wouldn't do that.  It's just not right to play with someones emotions like that.  Of course, it's not like they love you and you're crushing them, that's a whole different topic for another day; rather, it's simply rude, not courteous.  Even if you let her know what your goal is that night before you take her home, she could feel differently the morning after.  The horrible thing, in my opinion, about human emotions is that they are never the same and can change in a heartbeat.   So be careful when treading around them. People say you can have sex without bringing emotions into it; I say that's bull***t.  No matter how hard you try, or even if you think otherwise, I believe there are always some deeper emotions to go with it.  Why do people go to clubs alone in the first place?  Yes, maybe they just want to get laid, yet they also could be lonely in their life and are simply looking for someone to talk to; a friend above all.  I feel, and I think most would agree, that is way more important to emotional stability in the long run than just spending a night here and there with random strangers every week.  Human emotions are among one of the most complicated and misunderstood workings of the brain in the world.  So how can we act as if they aren't?

I'm Grateful! And pissed!

Well, part of my stress dropped away this morning when I found my lost Blackberry.  It turned out I did drop it where I first thought; by the bus stop at fourth and MacDonald.  It was given to the owner of the corner store Nadie's Produce.   What I'm utterly pissed off about is that he had it the whole time it was ringing and didn't think to answer it!  Like honestly, how stupid are you?   I'm not in any way blaming him bc it was certainly my fault that I lost it, yet isn't it common sense to pick up a ringing cell phone when it's lost?  I have probably called it about fifty times in the last two days and still he doesn't pick up?  Oh well, I'm overjoyed to get it back; I didn't think it had been stolen.  Yet now I am stuck with this other phone which I have to pay a hundred bucks for.

No phone= alone

It's amazing that when it comes to having friends, and talking to people, if you don't have a cell phone you are basically screwed in this day and age.   I found that out recently for myself when I lost my phone; all communication with other people virtually stopped.   Yes, there's always Facebook but, for me at least, that didn't count for a whole lot.  I got a few messages from friends and family, yet it was more of a once a day thing; didn't really have any back and forth that conversations are all about.   I hated going without talking to the ones I love the most, and this has only been in two days!  I couldn't even begin to imagine the time when people didn't have cell phones glued to their ears, or for that matter, didn't even have landlines.   Yes, I'm talking about the days when if one wanted to get in touch with another, they sent them a letter; a good, old fashioned written-by-hand, letter.  And then waited, days or even months sometimes, to hear back from them. I was going crazy after two days; I would forget how to talk after months!  Before this happened, I never figured myself for the extremely social kind, yet when it comes to those I love, even a few days hardly speaking is an eternity for me.

Fuck me; is this really happening?

Well another day in my Life that recently has been filled with nothing but crap crap and more crap:(. I had to take the bus to work today and while running for it, my blackberry must have fallen out of my pocket! By the time I had decided I had no more time to look for it, it was to late to catch another bus so I was forced to take a cab down to work. Twenty five dollars later I get there and boy, how the hell am I going to do this? It's been a little over twelve hours and I am going completely nuts; am totally lost! For I used my bb for Everything, from my work to shopping lists, my friends and family, and writing poetry. I won't last much longer without it; my whole life has become dependent on it. Which is really quite amazing, as I am not the only one to feel like that. Lots of people couldn't function one day without their smartphones; they have truly become a nessecity in our day to day lives. So for now I am phoneless, thank the good lord for Facebook, and I also have a nifty texting app on my iPod touch; when I'm at home it won't be that bad, yet I am going to be totally lost without it during the day. I also am horrible at directions and its gps has saved me from getting lost countless times! Right now I'm just praying to god I get it back; my whole life will be on hold without it.

When Your Feelings Exceed Theirs

    This I believe is a common occurrence in the life of people; what do you do when you have a friend and feel completely different about them then they do about you?  To say that it's a complicated and delicate situation is a major understatement.  That's not to say they don't like you; you're still friends.  Yet when you want to become closer, they are happy the way it is.  You can't push them to do, or feel something, they don't feel.  Nevertheless,  you are stuck at crossroads.  At this point, your only option is, if you love them, to respect their wishes and just remain casual friends.  The only other option being to decide whether you really want that hanging over your head throughout the friendship.  One of you has to learn to accept and change with the circumstances, otherwise this will always be a major disagreement between you.   It would be nice if you could approach relationships as a contract; both of the parties sit down and discuss what they want, put it on paper, sign it and then abide by it throughout the agreement.  Unfortunately, love and friendship don't work like that.  Emotions often overrule reason, and it becomes an inner battle to decide how best to handle the situation.  You can't run away at the first sign of conflict; no one would have anybody if they did that.  Yet you have to think of what value you place on that relationship and how much it means to you; how much they mean to you.  Only then can you decide; because if you make the wrong decision, you could lose someone you truly love forever.

Hello

Well, this is my first post on this blog.  I've been inspired by my cousins to create a blog of my own, where I can share my thoughts and ramblings, instead of just my poetry.   And boy do I have thoughts; miles and miles of the things :P