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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

You Say One Thing, Your Actions Say Another

   Ah, the old saying; actions speak louder than words. How true it is, yet how much weight can we really attribute to their actions when their words are so much different?  When people tell you one thing, then say the complete opposite with their doings, what are we to think.  I've said it before and I'll say it again; just say what you mean! 

   We've all heard of "getting the silent treatment"; that is to say having a loved one not speak to us because they are mad at something we did.  That can, and in my opinion is, be worse than getting yelled at.  Especially when we're not sure why they feel that way.  I'll make the concession that everyone deals with emotions, especially anger, in different ways.  Sometimes people can blow up in your face, only to get over it in twenty minutes and go back to their regular self.  Personally, when I am angry at my friends and family, whom I care about immensely, I will talk about it with them; I expect them to do likewise.  As you know if you've been reading my posts, I'm a firm believer in the communication aspect of any relationship; it's simply the fundamental block that everything else is built upon.  My most dreaded words to hear someone tell me are, "I don't want to talk about it", or "Just forget about it; never mind, it's not important".  While some people say it's best just to drop the subject, maybe to come back to it later, I generally disagree.   There are exceptions when you just have to realize it's not going to work to talk for hours about something, but those situations are rare.  
  I've always been confused by those in school, work, and elsewhere that I can tell just don't like me.  I mean yes, you aren't going to get along with everyone in the world; that would truly be paradise.  Yet you shouldn't not like someone unless you have a reason to do so, and a viable one at that.  I've worked at places before where some of the managers and employees just didn't seem to like me at all; not because of my work ethic either.  I hate the tension I feel around them when I'm working, so what do I do?  I talk to them; ask them what exactly is it about me that they have a problem with.  It's not like I'm saying we have to be best friends, yet we are co workers after all; to make the relationship work we need to not have tension between us.  Most of the time, it turns out they had a totally different view of me, or I of them, and that's that.  There's always a few people that just plain don't like you and no amount of talking will change their mind; in that case, I just have to accept that as a fact and deal with it, which isn't too hard.
   That's why I probably drive my friends nuts when I always say, "why do you feel that way?".  I believe that there is a reasonable explanation to all human emotions, it's just that we sometimes can't, or haven't tried hard enough, to find it.  Love is one of those that is extremely hard to explain sometimes.  But if you spend enough time looking for the answer, you'll find it.
   So when you say to me, you consider me your friend, yet you put extreme limitations on when we can see each other or what we can do; what you are willing to tell me about yourself, or what you're willing to show me that you keep hidden, it gives me pause.  What are you hiding from me?  And more importantly, what part of yourself still has some mistrust of me?  As I said in a previous post, love is like a tree; it starts off weak and small, yet it continues to grow stronger into something that will last for centuries.  All that takes time; I don't expect you to give me your trust right away, yet I need to know what's holding you back.  When I know that I can change; can understand what more needs to be done in the relationship.  For a relationship is a living, breathing thing; it needs to be looked after everyday otherwise it will slowly wither away and cease to exist.

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