Well, I knew it would happen; yet how does one prepare oneself for a breakup? I no longer am talking to the girl of my dreams. The first few days after we broke up were OK, and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could do this and keep my eyes dry. What a fool I was for believing that.
This is the first break up I've experienced in my short love life. I always avoided relationships for this exact reason; breaking up causes a pain that doesn't compare to anything else. To use the common saying, it really does feel like your heart has been ripped out and tossed away. It's times like these when I think if only I could turn that pain into resentment; if only I could be angry and spiteful towards the girl I love, that it would mask the pain.
Yet of course I can never do that, in fact I don't feel one negative thought towards her at all and throughout the relationship I never have; I still love her more than anything, and don't blame her one bit for the choice she made. After all, she didn't want a close friendship with me, and I couldn't have only a casual relationship with a girl whom I was in love with. We simply felt so different about each other and had such conflicting emotions about the friendship that it simply wouldn't work. I think we both knew that months before we broke up, yet for some reason we stayed; held on and tried a few more times to save the friendship.
I thought it would be alright; in fact the first couple days I didn't feel much, just a comforting numbness. However, about a week has passed, and the pain I feel is crushing. All I want is her, here with me, in my arms. I know that seems absolutely ridiculous, considering she would never let me even talk to her on the phone, let alone get physically close to her. Love doesn't care though; that part of my brain is one stubborn SOB. I try to stay busy, yet she's always in the back of my mind, if not foremost on it.
I wish I could have seen her one more time; I am just shaking my head at the fact that we broke up over text! Yet in this day and age, I guess that's all too common. I take a somewhat bittersweet comfort in the fact that there were no harsh words spoken at the end. I know relationships can have very bad endings and at least this one ended with our respect for each other intact. Such is the sad fact of life; very few of us meet the one they will be with forever when they are nineteen.
There is nothing at all I regret about the short time we were friends; even though it didn't help things I don't for one second regret falling in love with her either. I thought breaking up would affect my optimistic view towards love, yet it hasn't; I still believe in falling in love with the right person, I just wish my heart would know who that person is. In the meantime, I am getting through my days; albeit with a broken heart. It will take a very long time for the pain of losing her to vanish, and I will never forget the girl who could always make me smile; even though it didn't work out between us, she will live eternally in my heart, the first women I fell in love with.