Lately, I really don't know what I'm doing. I find myself hanging on and staying in a friendship with a girl, when we both know full well that we weren't meant for each other. It's been the elephant in the room that we've both been ignoring; yet I ask myself, how long is it before one of us gets hit with its trunk.
It's amazing how much one girl has changed me; before her I was resigned to the fact that I wouldn't have a huge social life, and I was OK with that. It was my opinion, as well as observation, that relationships were complicated as heck, and most of the time ended with someone getting hurt. Then she came along, and with one smile, one word, I was pulled into the beginning of something that I still don't know whether to call hell, or heaven.
I am still finding myself reflecting, sometimes even kicking myself, for how far I let my feelings for one girl develop. I told myself that I would not do this, in fact I promised myself; after all, how hard was it to just be casual friends right? Oh, how naive I was back then! I know better now, even though it's too late, that you can't control your feelings when it comes to love. Don't even bother to try because it can't be done.
If you are in that situation, and you suspect you may come to love him/her, run. Run like hell and don't look back; move on with your life before it becomes to late to do so without being in a world of pain. Evidently, I blatantly ignored my own advice there. For if you don't run at the beginning, if you take that wrong step and fall in love with someone that doesn't have close to even the same feelings for you, you're f**ked.
Yes maybe I do have a cynical view love, but with only being in love once, I am not really that surprised. Love can really make you feel like your heart is being ripped out and stomped on, left in pieces on the ground, while you try desperately to pick up and mend. Then again, love can be the greatest thing in a person's life; lot's of times it is, and that's the attraction isn't it? Otherwise, why the heck do we find ourselves going back time and time again, knowing there's a good chance our heart will be broken from our efforts.