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Friday, August 12, 2011

Who to Love; Who to Trust?

     The issue of trust and love keeps coming back to me; two things that, while are synonymous, have varying degrees which can make things very complicated.  For some people, trust comes easily to them; they believe people are good in this world and put their faith in that. While others have been hurt in the past and consequently have a hard time letting people into their lives again.  It's never a concrete decision when you choose to give someone the benefit of the doubt; you are taking a chance, sometimes a pretty big one.
  As I said there's varying degrees of trust and it is shown in our everyday actions. For example, when you hail a cab, you're trusting the driver to get you to your destination safely; when you drive with someone else they are trusting you to drive safely.  Then there are the deeper aspects of trust; you trust your friends to be there for you and not betray you, you trust your employers to pay you everyday.  Trust is all around us in our lives, but the kind I want to talk about is trust between friends.
  When you meet someone, there's always that "first impression"; that instinctual feeling you get just from saying hi.  You start talking and your trust grows; or quickly falls, depending on what they say and how they say it.   If there's enough trust and you like them, you become friends; taking a chance that the relationship will make your life better.  Let you have to be careful of who you let into your heart; they could just end up tearing it apart, taking a piece of you in the process.
   While there's always that chance that you are trusting the wrong person, I believe that's a chance you need to take.  The alternative is a lonely life.  Yet that's really the question isn't it?  Who do you trust?  Who do you love?  The heart isn't something to be played with, or to be taken lightly.  I believe when you decide to let someone in your heart, your life is enriched; for that to happen though, they have to let you into their heart as well, otherwise you will be in for a lot of pain to come.  The issue with love is a whole other...well...issue.  I think there's a definite point in the relationship when you consciously make the choice to let that person into your heart; when you decide to let down your walls.  When you do that though, you start to love them.  If there's a conscious controlled decision to trust someone, there isn't one when it comes to love.  Love makes your emotions go crazy, makes all rational thought come to a screeching halt.  Once that happens there's no turning back unless you're ready for a lot of pain.
   That's why it's pertinent that you choose carefully; you don't want to take this lightly and end up getting badly hurt in the end.  You need to make sure they trust and love you as well, because there;s nothing worse and more hurtful than when you love someone and they don't return those feelings.  The question of who to love, who to trust, isn't one that I believe can ever have a definite answer.  There's too many factors in life that change people, that mold people into who they are.    If you make the wrong decision and only realize it when you deeply love that person, then there's trouble.  For you realize it, but what do you do about it?   You  can't force someone to love you; you can't force someone to trust you.  They have to make that choice on their own.  Yet it's a tough place to find yourself in; you love them too much to leave, yet the fact that they don't feel the same way about you is killing you.
   While they may not hurt you with intent; that is to say they still consider you their friend, they don't feel comfortable with you to open up themselves.  There's still a million secrets between you and them; it begins to make you wonder if they really consider you a true friend.  For if friendship is all about trust and love, why don't they trust you?  What is it about you or your attitude that gives them pause?  It can feel like a deep insult to not be trusted like that.  That you know there's a whole other side to them, the "real" them as it were, that they don't want you to know about can put a lot of doubt in your mind.  You can try to talk to them about it, but chances are if they don't tell you about other things that are so emotionally deep, they won't want to talk about this if they don't consider you a close friend.  It just keeps coming back to that same question, who do you decide you will trust?  Because once you decide it's alright to trust them, love is sure to follow in short order.    While you might be able to let someone go because you know they don't have the same feelings for you and know that to stay in the relationship means a world of pain,  once you feel that deep love for them, it's something that can kill you to let them go.  And it's that type of pain that can hurt you for years to come.

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