Gadget by The Blog Doctor.
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Monday, August 1, 2011

Who Said Relationships Were Easy?

  Why are relationships so freaking hard?  I've never in my life experienced anything harder than what we call a relationship.  They're constant work to maintain, to build, to repair.  Like matter, they're constantly changing but never disappearing. I wish (almost) that we could read minds, because really, nobody would have any problems then.  I think the main problem in any relationship (and I know I've said this constantly in my posts) is misunderstanding.  Yet I will go a step further and add to that different amounts of trust and love.  In a perfect relationship, you would take two people who deeply love each other in the same way, with the same amount of commitment to their togetherness; then you would add in complete and blind trust, then lastly total disclosure and communication.  The end result?  A perfect relationship.
  The problem, of course, is no one does that.  There's always at least one person who holds something back, feels differently about the other, doesn't trust them completely...that's what creates the problems.  It doesn't always have to be love; you can just have a casual thing with someone.  Yet it's not the way the human mind works that everyone feels the same emotions; that would make for a pretty dull world.  On the other hand, it complicates things immensely when one person loves another with all their heart and the lovee, as it were, doesn't.  Then you have a issue.
  How can the relationship work if one of you feels completely different than the other?  I'm not saying it won't work and will always end in pain, yet it takes extremely more effort to make it work.  One of them has to decide if they can live by the other's conditions; while the other one has to choose whether or not they can be comfortable with being loved in that way, or intensity.  Talking about it always helps, but talking only about that is dangerous.  If that comes up in every conversation you have with each other, then all it will lead to eventually is arguing; if it is a big enough issue it could even threaten the maintainability of the relationship.  If all either of you can think about is that one conflict, then sooner or later you're both going to end up fighting and maybe even feel some resentment towards the other.  When it comes to that, resentment, I believe, is one of the most dangerous words to have in your head.  "I resent him/her" is not just saying you don't like some aspects of them, but that you actually resent their being.  Very risky stuff and you should think carefully if that is really the word you wish to use.
   It's certainly hard to do, but two people can definitely be friends, even if one feels a stronger emotional attachment than the other.  It's certainly hard to do.  Although again, in the end it all comes down to love; are you willing to give up someone you love just because you feel a stronger/different love than they do for you?
  That's not a easy question to ponder and sometimes it takes years to realize your answer, but it's one that has to be asked eventually if you're feeling like both of you are drifting apart.

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